At 38, and with three children under the age of six, it was time to start remaking myself. I did not want to have to reopen this painful wound years later because I had to take my ex to court for more child support or something else. It’s a bit scary but also exciting.
This did not happen overnight by any means. This was, and still is, a journey, not a destination. As a wise woman once told me, “Let’s tackle this elephant one small bite at a time.” And that’s exactly what I did and still do today.
Tip #15: Remaking Your Finances is a Process
Establishing credit in my own name was one of the first steps I took on my journey. Here are a few items to focus on to help you build your credit score and get started on the process of rebuilding your finances:
- Close all joint accounts after your divorce is finalized.
- Apply for your own credit card if you don’t have one in your name already. Once you receive one, be sure to only put on there what you can pay off at the end of each month. Yes, there may be emergency situations such as getting new tires, fixing water heater breaks, etc., that will require you to carry a balance. Make an effort by cutting back somewhere else to pay this expense off as soon as possible.
- Build an emergency fund: I recommend six months’ worth of monthly expenses in an emergency fund. This may be a bit too much for you to do at first, so start with one month and build on that foundation. Remember, an emergency fund is just that — for emergencies. Not for vacations or that new outfit you want.
- Make a budget: Most of my clients cringe when I make mention of this. If you don’t like the word budget, then consider it as tracking your monthly expenses. When you track your monthly expenses, it’s important to write down everything. Manage your source of income. Live within your means (i.e., don’t spend more than you bring in). It seems like a simple concept but so many people feel like they can use their credit cards to fill the gap. Sad to say, but that was my experience growing up. That’s all I knew when I went off to college. Really, that was the way I have always lived until I met my husband. Together, we focused on paying off all our debt in our first year of marriage. What a liberating feeling!
- Save, save, save: Yes, even if it is twenty dollars per month. The reason is twofold. One, to build up your emergency fund and eventually your retirement account. Two, to teach you discipline. My opinion on financial success and independence boils down to discipline. Do not spend more than you earn, save a specific amount consistently, and invest wisely. I often ask my clients, especially single moms who tell me that they can’t save anything, “How often do you stop at a convenience store to get coffee?” They typically say, “two times a week." Ok…two times a week multiplied by two dollars per coffee is four dollars per week or sixteen dollars per month give or take. My next question would be, “Do you think you can give up that coffee stop and make some coffee at home?” The answer is always yes. But the exciting part for me is seeing that light bulb go off in my client’s head. Their eyes fill with hope and the confidence that they can do this. Talk about empowering!
- Refine your skills or learn new ones. Figure out what you are good at and what you enjoy doing, then focus on sharpening your skills. This could lead you to the career or job that you have always wanted and that you weren’t initially aware of. I can’t stress how important it is to take time off for yourself. Spend time growing personally and professionally so you can become your best self.
- Push yourself outside your comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to try new things. My first attempt at this was in 2008, about four years after my divorce was final. I had a brilliant idea (or at least I thought I did) to invent a traveling jewelry case that kept your jewelry protected, tangle-free, and easy to access. I took it from idea to market. I had several people that God put in my path to assist me on this journey. I couldn’t have done it without them. I learned so much and had fun along the way. Talk about a confidence booster, but also a humbling experience. Even though my invention never really took off, this was just one important step on my journey.
Additionally, my journey didn't always focus on just me. I did not want to overlook my children’s own journey to becoming their best selves. I wanted to instill a sound knowledge and understanding of finances into them. And an appreciation for it as well. When my children were young, I bought three small clear containers for each of them. I labeled them Give, Save, Live.
Every Friday, I paid them for chores they did around the house. When I paid them, I let them know it was up to them to decide what amount to put in each container. It was interesting to see who put what in, and where. They always had to put the money in this order of priority…. Give, Save, Live.
I did not make this up myself. I wish I had. I learned it from a sermon at church and then I did some investigating and found this idea. Now, at the ages of twenty-two, twenty, and eighteen, I feel like this helped them realize the value of hard work, money, and giving to others.
All of this is to say that it’s never too early or too late to start pursuing your best self and helping others. It’s going to be a long road, but with the right support and hard work, you can have the life you’ve always dreamed of!
Pursuing Your Best Self
In my book, Unforeseen Exit: When You Find Yourself Facing Divorce & Suddenly Single, I tell my story of navigating an unforeseen divorce. By openly telling my story, I want to provide guidance and support to those who have found themselves in similar circumstances, so they can pursue their best self personally and financially!
For more information on how I can support you as your financial planner, schedule a discovery meeting with me today!
